Frustration

I approach every day with a positive attitude, Keeping my thoughts positive through all my frustration and tears. I freely accept love and joy from others. I have grown in my ability to understand and be patient when things are not moving along the way I want them to.
Background Information:

We are trying to purchase a home that I want very badly, it is our dream home, but we are stifled at every turn and I find myself increasingly more frustrated and depressed. We are a low income family with only fair credit and need this for so many reasons. We need to move to the country, its just how we are. We need a small town school where our daughter can get more individual attention, for her to have a place to play without fear. We need nature around us, we need the peace of mind that being able to provide at least some of our own needs through gardening can give us. We want to lower our housing costs of course so we can supply the other needs we have without taking money from bills. We need to feel the pride of ownership, of having something of our own. We need the stability that comes from owning a home so we won’t have to worry about moving every year because the rents go up too much. We need to be safe financially. We struggle so much now to just pay rent and electric. What we are asking is not alot, a home, 3 beds 2baths…1850 sq ft..for a family of four…that is an REO with a really low price that we can afford on disability. The only snag…We owe 2320.00 in back bills, 782.00 in medical from my surgery, 689.00 that we charged to sams for food when there was no income, and 849.00 from my other credit card that payed the dr copays, pharmacy copays, gas, etc…while I was trying to get disability approved. This is only a small amount that we have left but its still stopping us at this point. We are not dead beats we have tried very hard to pay this stuff off but we just don’t have the money currently after we pay our rent and the electric bill we have $95 and we use that to get my husband to school, he’s retraining in the hopes of getting a job soon. To know that there are so many more people so much further in debt than this makes me feel sick and saddened that we are constantly told “NO” so the frustration and depression has really been getting to me. In addition when my oldest turns 18 she will be dropped from my ssdi and our income will drop nearly $200 and the college fees will start. Its so hard not to be worried and stressed enough that all I want to do is cry. I know that we can afford this house, that it needs work, but that its completely workable. I know we deserve it and that we manifested it. I just need the dang finance company to get it through their heads that it is mine and they are funding it. Whether it be that we suddenly get the money in an unexpected lump sum to pay bills, some one from a credit agency can help us reverse the negative items quickly, or they just accept that we have those items. It will happen I know this but I just can’t stop worrying and crying.
Supporting Actions:

I write daily in my journal to stay focused and release my frustrations.

I accept the love my husband offers even when he criticizes me, because he doesn’t understand how I feel, but is trying to make me be more positive.

I look each day for new spiritual understanding and insight.

I remind myself every day that things will work out for the best, even if I don’t understand the result.

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